I know, I know we all want to look “perfect” but at what cost….
What would you risk to have a smooth forehead or a non furrowed brow?
What aspects of your health would you trade for full, round “sexy” Breasts?
Estheticians, like myself , tend to feel a bit more pressure to look fabulous. So many women feel the need to live up to our societies image of “perfect”. Lets face it most women feel pressure to attract a mate and then actually fight to keep that mate. But what’s really keeping them? Are they kept for the right reasons?
My Breast and Botox journey started after I had decided to have breast implant surgery. A voluntary cosmetic surgery that costs thousands of dollars and permanently alters your body. Yes, I decided that’s what was best for me at the ripe age of 32.
Oh the insanity of it now! Silicone Breast Implants is what I choose to put inside my Chest cavity, underneath freshly cut pectorals muscles, over my heart and lungs. That was the best looking way to desecrate my body. The thought horrifies me now. My Plastic Surgeon awarded me with 50 Free units of Botox with my purchase, Hurray! I originally thought. Big boobs and Smooth non-moving skin! Victory! I will finally feel Perfect…or would I.
I definitely felt the moral issue in making the decision. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Was I contributing to our societies false illusion of what were supposed to look like? I asked everyone’s opinion but really only listened to what “I” wanted to hear in order to justify my decision.
My husband pleaded with me not to implant, insisted he loved my body the way It was and that complications can occur. Boy I wish I could have seen myself through his eyes. I had convinced myself I would be fine, and that I would finally feel complete with my new breasts! Boy was I wrong, not only did I get hooked on Botox after having that free injection but within 6 months after having surgery my hair started to fall out and I was feeling pretty fatigued. I chalked it up as being caused by the anesthesia and trauma of the surgery.
Months past and things did not improve, they actually started to get worse. My hair was falling out at an alarming rate, I was feeling even more fatigued and finally went to the doctor. Prior to this surgery I had ZERO health issues other then PMS and some breakouts. I had 2 babies for crying out loud! my body can handle anything, right? Well it couldn’t handle foreign objects and toxins apparently.
My doctor sent me to a hair specialist only to find my iron was depleted, and my thyroid was low. I thought okay I just need to take some iron and I will be better. Months past and nothing changed, again it got worse. Then came my first mental breakdown where my husband had to take me to the emergency room because I was so hopeless I didn’t know what I was capable of doing to myself, yes that’s right suicidal ideations. This was getting serious!
After that visit the Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me and sent me on my way to investigate my hormones. I soon found a wonderful Naturopath who took the time to really investigate my health concerns. My neurotransmitters were off the charts, my cortisol had flat lined and my hormones were completely out of range. I tested positive for Auto immune and my White blood cell count was no good. No wonder I felt like I was dying!
The Naturopath set me up on a good plan and I starting seeking counseling assuming my breakdowns were from childhood trauma (we will save that for another time). I never pieced it together that my implants were to blame, everyone has them I thought and they seem fine….I had asked the question “could it be my implants?” to a few doctors but they all said no, except my Naturopath she mentioned it could be the cause but the only way to know is to remove them.
At that stage in my life I would have rather worn a wig then take out my amazing fake breasts! Vanity had a mega grip on me and I couldn’t visualize myself happy without them. My health never improved, In fact it kept getting worse and boy was it having a huge negative impact on my marriage, children, business, social life and even with extended family.
I spent more weekends then I can count laying in bed in the fetal position not wanting to connect with anyone. I was feeling pretty soulless. I was able to put on a happy face for my clients most days, and let me tell you without them I dont think I would be here! My clients are some of the most amazing people I have had the honor of knowing. My family was always ready to support me even though they were states away they were always reading to listen and help.
The positive that came out of all of this was it forced me to really look at my soul, my essence, my being , my energy whatever you want to call it! I started doing yoga, reading spiritual materials, meditating and connecting with myself and like minded women.
My husband was by my side through all of this nonsense and I am forever grateful for his love and patience. He endured just as much torture as I did and I am so blessed to call him my husband. My children so empathic and loving, it saddens me that they had to see there Mother endure so much while they were trying to grow up.
I had my breast implants for 5 full years and all the while I was getting Botox injections. I felt like a fraud in some ways because I was promoting natural non chemical skincare products, which I love! BUT I was also being unauthentic by receiving toxic injections in my face and carrying around two 421cc bags of chemicals in my breasts. Yes! Multiple chemicals like neurotoxins, carcinogens and heavy metals! Not only is the inside of these loaded with toxins but the outer shell is made of the same thing! They permeate into your body and are not only causing autoimmune and endocrine issues but now it’s been discovered that women are getting a rare type of lymphoma cancer! That’s right I said cancer! Real women like you and I are being diagnosed at an alarming rate. It’s just not right that these “safe medical devices” are being thrown around so careless into women’s bodies. We are making an uninformed decision based of of false beliefs that these devices are safe, they are not! Plain and simple. The madness has to stop!
That’s when an angel stepped into my life and intervened. I heard the words in the shower, because that’s when we have the best ideas! “Your breast implants are making you sick”. I got out of the shower and repeated the words to my husband. I think deep down he already knew it, but he was also scared for me. So my google search began and Nicole Daruda’s website popped up “Healing from breast implant illness”. Huh I thought. I read further, Holy Crap! it was like a sledge hammer hit me over my head. I couldn’t stop reading, in fact I was shaking. Finally some answers to years of torment. I Cry now as I am writing this because the moment was so empowering. I noticed a link to a Facebook group also created by Nicole. I decided to join the group and my life was forever altered. I spent countless hours pouring over stories of women who all sounded just like mine! I couldn’t believe it! I felt validated, relieved that there was a cause but also super pissed! You name the feeling and I felt it. I decided in that moment I was going to be brave, I was going be a warrior, I was going to be a women that other young women could look up to for once! My brave mom who also had 20+ year old Saline inplants (these are not safe either) took this information seriously and explanted too! What a women!
This information challenged me to be more. I went ahead and planned my proper Explant. An Explant is where your breast implants are removed via EnBloc or Total Capsulectomy being sure the surgeon completely removes the scar tissue capsules that begins to form immediately after your implants are placed in your body. The toxins that leach from your implants gather in this capsule and it is also a foreign body. If it is not properly removed ruptured implants can leak further causing more irreversible damage to your body and they can continue to grow and calcify. YES! I repeat they can continue to grow and calcify in your precious body and you will continue to be sick. Period.
Within 6 months after learning about Breast Implant Illness(BII) I scheduled my Explant, with a $7,000 price tag not covered by insurance, I still proceeded. I did not have this money just lying around but this procedure was so important to me I Just charged it anyway. If I found a way to get these implants in I would find a way to get them out ASAP! I valued my health much more at this point. I also completely stopped using Botox a few months prior to learning about BII. I also learned during this journey that Botox is loaded with toxins causing its own set of issues including Autoimmune responses. I had a practitioner tell me that Botox does not migrate outside of the injection site. What?! How can that be possible if anything you just apply to your skin absorbs into your blood stream in 30 seconds. I just can not allow myself to purposefully poison my beautiful body and face any longer. We are already exposed to so much as it is, why add to the load!
The months leading up to my Explant were pretty rough, I wondered if I could still love my body after my Implants were removed, would my husband still find me attractive? I suffered from eating disorders as a teen so poor body image was definitely hanging out on my back. But I did it, I still cant believe I was strong enough, but I did it!
It had my Explant surgery on June 15th 2018. I am happier and healthier then I have been in a very long time. My husband LOVES my Breasts and was by my side every second. My cortisol has increased rapidly, I am off all prescription medications that I was dependent on for years. I no longer suffer from suicidal depression and debilitating anxiety My hair is growing in like crazy, my nails are stronger then ever! I am optimistic that my health will only continue to improve now that it is no longer being poisoned.
Guess what?! I happen to absolutely LOVE my natural breasts again! I mean they fed 2 babies, what a miracle! My breast are trophies! They are magical, beautiful, soft and I can hug my loved ones and really feel it. I never realized I was even missing that with Breast implants. Do not let life, health, love and your sanity be compromised by your vanity. I write in hopes that my story will help someone either realize they need to Explant or stop someone from desecrating their body like I did.
Thank you for reading. XOXO
If this story can help someone you know please pass on these links to help them either prevent or repair the damage from Botox and Breast implants, this is a serious health crisis!